Archive for the ‘(collected – to share a smile)’ Category

Kissing a girl is a nice thing, hmmm… unless it is with a girl with higher education than yours!

Girl with physics Ph.D.:
“Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me or with respect to you. First define how you are going to kiss. You can kiss me by treating me in the same reference frame as you are or treating me in a different inertial frame by producing waves of motion through your
lips. How do you prefer?

The guy faints.
Girl with mathematics Ph.D.:
“Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the following conditions. Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance delta where delta is greater than zero and the limit for delta tends to zero and you satisfy the closure property. Sufficient conditions:You should have lips.Where the number of lips is neither more than two nor less than two. You can also kiss by defining your hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the above conditions.

The guy goes mad.
Girl with ecological sciences Ph.D.:
Oh Kissing, that is interesting phenomena that occurs in nature. This is an initiating process for sex not only found in homosapiens but also in all heterosapiens, mammals, camels, vertebrates invertebrates and insects. Out of 1000 ants observed in a closed laboratory in Zuvinich in Yugoslavia 90% of them seem to involve in the process of kissing but the subsequence
is very random with probability 0.672139 that a male ant kiss female ant. First observe the behaviour of ants and cockroaches under various conditions. That will be very interesting.

The guy has an heart attack.

Girl with a computer degree:
“You want to kiss me. That is fine I assume that you know the algorithm for that very well. But you have to complete the process within 56.22 seconds or else connection will be timed out. To optimise the timing lets do parallel processing. As we have to discuss about our future and other things, let us do the process of discussion foreground and why can’t you put the process of kissing background?”

The guy applies for divorce.

(collected – to share a smile)


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Panic gripped the streets of London this morning when patches of sky took on an unusual blue colour and a ball of fire appeared above the city. The phenomenon, known as ‘The Sun’ and commonly found in Mediterranean countries, unleashed a terrifying heat and brightness upon the capital, causing many pedestrians to take off their hats and scarves, while motorists were able to turn both their headlights and wipers off. Gordon Brown urged people to be calm and return to work as normal stating: “We’ve seen this sort of thing before but it never lasts.” There are forecasts that ‘The Sun’ could be seen throughout the weekend but a spokesman for No.10 said, “I wouldn’t hold my breath”.

(collected – to share a smile)

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This is hilarious. I don’t know the source to quote.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to the recent terrorist attacks in London and Glasgow and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France‘s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the British and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

(collected – to share a smile)

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